Founder’s Dance with George Levin #9

I hope you had a relaxing weekend or at least found a moment to unwind and care for yourself without rushing. This week was a rollercoaster, both professionally and personally.

Every startup founder knows the highs and lows—one moment, you're sure success is just around the corner; the next, you feel lost and question everything. For me, the lows hit every 3-4 days but usually last just one day.

One day, most calls with users end with them subscribing, and you're excited because it means the product is finally ready to scale. The next, you spend 12 hours getting approval for your first FB/IG ad, only to feel crushed when Meta rejects it for mentioning Telegram. It's frustrating because our product is built on Telegram, so being able to mention it is essential for reaching the right audience.

When you have energy, every problem seems solvable. But when you're drained, even small obstacles feel like big failures, and they sap more energy, creating a vicious cycle.

There were ups and downs on the personal front, too. I’m reading "Healing the Shame That Binds You," which delves into toxic shame. It’s been eye-opening to see how much of it I carry and how it affects my life—I’ll share more thoughts on this later in the newsletter.

Startup Hacks: Giving Feedback

Paul Graham, co-founder of Y Combinator, once said, “Startups don't die when they run out of money; they die when the founders run out of energy.” One of the biggest energy drains is team conflict, and a common cause of conflict is the lack of honest feedback.

When issues aren't addressed early, they often build up over time. You might not mention something that bothers you for a while, but eventually, it all comes out immediately, leading to personal attacks and a very negative tone. This can harm relationships and create unnecessary tension.

In the previous newsletter, I mentioned, “The quality of relationships depends on how often you have uncomfortable conversations.” The same applies to teams. Stronger relationships come from having those challenging discussions. Giving negative feedback can be tricky, but it's essential. Here’s a 5-minute TED talk with four key rules for providing feedback.

Product Spotlight: NotebookLM

This week's spotlight is on NotebookLM, an AI-powered research and note-taking tool by Google Labs. It helps users interact with any document, book, or video by generating summaries, explanations, FAQs, and answering questions.

What’s cool and unique about this product is that it can turn documents, books, and videos into podcasts. My favorite use case is uploading a YouTube link with interesting but hard-to-digest content and creating a 10-minute podcast.

When researching a topic, I often create short podcasts after reading a book or watching a video to explore new angles and challenge my understanding. Then I go for a walk or jog and listen to them.

For example, here, I converted a one-hour scientific lecture on gravity into a short podcast. The tool is free, but the podcast feature is only available in English.

Mind Bender and Culture Corner: Toxic Shame

In this newsletter, I combined two of my regular sections. "Mind Bender" usually raises tough questions or shares philosophical ideas, while "Culture Corner" covers books, movies, podcasts, and other cultural topics.

I mentioned earlier the book Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw. This book is considered the bible on toxic shame, which the author believes is the root of all evil, including wars, abuse, and suffering.

Toxic shame develops when harsh, controlling, or neglectful experiences damage a child’s natural sense of self. For instance, when children are burdened with unrealistic expectations—such as taking on adult responsibilities or striving for perfection—they may internalize a sense of inadequacy. This leads to a loss of self-worth and a deep-seated belief that they must earn love by being "good enough."

Those affected may feel they don’t deserve love, care, or respect just by being themselves. This belief drives behaviors like:

• Self-Criticism and Low Self-Esteem

• Perfectionism: An endless pursuit of flawlessness, fearing that any mistake confirms their unworthiness.

• People-Pleasing and Over-Achieving: Constantly seeking external validation to compensate for a deep sense of inadequacy.

• Addictions and Compulsive Behaviors: Numbing emotions through substances, work, or compulsive actions.

• Isolation and Withdrawal: Avoiding social interactions to hide perceived flaws.

To cope with toxic shame, individuals may develop a false self, hiding their true selves behind masks. A common mask is the "super-achiever," where individuals excel to avoid confronting their internal feelings of shame.

I was fascinated by this book because it connected so many dots for me. It showed that toxic shame is probably the root of many problems I've tried to address separately.

What triggered me the most was recognizing my "super-achiever" mask. I avoid shame at all costs, so I feel the need to overprepare for everything and keep everything under control, leaving little room for spontaneity and intimacy.

While watching many YouTube videos on the topic, I came across this touching comment, which I think most of us can relate to on some level:

"How natural lying comes to me, the addictions, the feeling of being better, smarter, and more capable (if I'd choose to try) than people around me, while simultaneously thinking of myself as rotten to the core, the frequent meltdowns where I cut off everyone, that I'm very good at talking about vulnerable topics without actually being vulnerable, never having experienced REAL intimacy in all my relationships…"

Addressing toxic shame is a big topic, and I suggest exploring it by reading the book or watching relevant YouTube videos like this one.

On a positive note, understanding the mechanics of toxic shame is already a huge step toward liberation and provides a helpful roadmap.

Despite being a bit dark, I hope this newsletter gives you some food for thought. If you have anything to add, feel free to leave a comment on the web version or reply to this email.

Wishing you a productive and exciting week ahead!

Speak soon,

George,

October 20, 2024. Brooklyn Heights.

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